NetExpat Insights

9 Ways to Maintain Your Identity When You Can't Work Abroad

Wed, 15 Jan 2025 21:12:10 GMT

Moving to a new country with your working spouse or partner can often feel like an equal mix of adventure and adjustment, but it can also be pretty challenging if you’re not able to work yourself. As an accompanying spouse or partner, you face different challenges than your family members when integrating into a new culture and country. Your partner and children are also adjusting, but while they have the benefit of establishing a daily routine by heading off to work and school each weekday, you’re likely spending far more time alone. This – combined with the loss of your support group, familiar environment, and possibly your career – means it's easy for loneliness to set in, along with a feeling that you’ve lost all or part of your identity. And that can lead to additional challenges that you’ll need to address quickly, so you can avoid serious issues.

Challenges Non-Working Spouses and Partners Face When Living Abroad:

Making relocation work for you when you aren’t working

Feelings of resentment, depression, disempowerment, and being lost can be minimized or avoided altogether when we find ways to satisfy our curiosity, stay engaged, keep learning, or using our skills to contribute to the betterment of other people or things we’re passionate about. Living in a new country can often mean learning how to navigate new systems and norms to make that happen, but it is possible and can often result in unexpected opportunities you never imagined prior to the move. That growth can lead to further fulfillment and growth of your own.

Here are some ways to maintain your identity and find fulfillment if moving with your partner/spouse meant not working, initially, in your new home:

Not Working Doesn’t Have to Mean Losing Your Identity

Left unaddressed, losing your identity can result in serious issues like depression and/or relationship strain. If you’ve already reached this point, consider seeing a therapist as soon as possible. There are many who specialize in intercultural challenges that can help you, your relationship, and your family. If you’re reading this before your relocation or early on in your move, remember that the best way to maintain your sense of identity is to proactively preserve it by acting on one or more of the suggestions above. It’s true that relocating with a working spouse or partner can be challenging if the cost of that move is giving up some of the things you were dedicated to before. But it’s also true that relocating as a non-working partner or spouse can be an opportunity to develop new skills and expand our identity in ways we never expected.

When Home Feels Foreign

Mon, 13 Jan 2025 05:26:39 GMT

Most people are prepared to experience some effects of ‘culture shock’ when they embark on an assignment abroad. However, not many are prepared to experience similar effects when they return to their home country. What is a ‘reverse culture shock’? Does it really exist, what are the signs, do we need to prepare for it and how?

Over the years, as a professional coach for people on the move, I’ve learned a lot about expatriates; people on international assignments that everyone in the office looks at with a certain dose of envy as their life is just taking off in some more or less exciting country. For those who stay behind, an international assignment is associated with travel, visiting new, sometimes exotic places, meeting interesting people, earning comfortable income, allowances, and all other benefits that those who stay at home don’t get.

Whether an expatriate or an independent migrant, after a number of years in a host country, we slowly slip into memories of friends and family who move on with their own lives, adjusting the best they can. When it comes to our work colleagues and professional networks, we pretty much fall off their radar.

I relocated to Australia in 1988 as an independent migrant. The question of repatriation never crossed my mind. Until 12 years later, when I came to Croatia (home country) on an extended holiday. From such a big time distance, walking the streets of once familiar country and seeing friends I haven’t seen for a long time, it suddenly hit me What would it be like if I ever decided to come back? How would it be for me entering the once familiar workforce, social scene, and other aspects of life? Would it be possible to take off where I left it, or would it mean another new start?

With a difference of job prospect, repatriation as a possibility is somewhat similar for those sent by a company on an international assignment, and those who embarked of their own choice. Sooner or later the same questions will pop up in their minds: Would I be able to return? What am I returning to? Would there be a job for me? Would I be able to utilise my new skills? How will people react? What social networks are still there?

Through my work I get a lot of opportunities to talk to the newcomers. Interestingly, for most of them return and repatriation are not high on the agenda. Consequently, not many are aware of the phenomena called reverse-culture-shock, and its effects.

What is Reverse Culture Shock ?

During our life abroad two major changes occur:

We change as a result of living in another country.

Life and people at home change and move on.

The problem is enlarged because of our tendency to idealise our view of home and expectation that things are the same as when we left them. Somehow life as we left it gets frozen in our memory, turning our home into a foreign place when we re-enter it, and we say in dismay What happened here? I don’t recognise this place and people any more?

Comments I also hear from many repatriates are Nobody seemed to care about my life abroad. I had so much stories to tell, yet no one showed any interest, or had time to hear about them. Maybe they were jealous?

Just as Culture Shock comes in stages, so does Reverse Culture Shock.

It is not uncommon that people start thinking of returning to the host location, and some do return. I certainly have come across a number of people who said ‘I can’t live here anymore. It’s almost as if the country I lived for 5-7 years is more familiar than the one I was born and grew up in.’ However, for most, everyday things start to seem more normal, and they re-establish their ‘new’ old routines, as a result of new attitudes, beliefs, habits and values. One thing is for sure – we are not the same person, and our home is not what it used to be when we left.

How to prepare for returning home?

The most important thing is to understand and be prepared that returning home will not be a smooth transition into the life we once had.

Certainly, (re)-adjustment will be different from person to person, and it is likely that those who adjusted well to living abroad experience stronger reverse culture shock than those who haven’t adjusted so well. It would be good to think about returning home as a possibility even at the start of our going abroad. For expatriates it is a very real possibility, and for those permanent ones returning does enter consciousness at various points in life, and if we give it some thought at the beginning, we build a foundation for later re-visiting these thoughts with more awareness.

Setting realistic expectations is a good start. As we were advised to set realistic expectations when moving abroad, it is ever so important to set realistic expectations returning home. People and things will be different, and we won’t know how until we experience them.

Reminding ourselves of those intercultural competencies that we relied on when moving abroad will help:

Our international experience has changed us in more ways than one, professionally and personally. We have become somewhat different person. The new attitudes, beliefs and habits that have developed will shape our perceptions and how we see things and people. Integrating the positive aspects of our international experience with those of our life at home will enable us to retain the good things and continue our growth, this time on the home soil.

Cultural Sensitivity When Communicating Across Cultures

Sat, 30 Nov 2024 21:09:34 GMT

In conversation with NetExpat Consultant, Alka

Watch a conversational video with NetExpat Consultant, Alka, and Gabriela Wegloskwa, Associate Director Intercultural Services, NetExpat on the importance of considering cultural sensitivity when communicating across cultures.