9 Ways to Maintain Your Identity When You Can't Work Abroad
January 15, 2025
Moving to a new country with your working spouse or partner can often feel like an equal mix of adventure and adjustment, but it can also be pretty challenging if you’re not able to work yourself. As an accompanying spouse or partner, you face different challenges than your family members when integrating into a new culture and country. Your partner and children are also adjusting, but while they have the benefit of establishing a daily routine by heading off to work and school each weekday, you’re likely spending far more time alone. This – combined with the loss of your support group, familiar environment, and possibly your career – means it's easy for loneliness to set in, along with a feeling that you’ve lost all or part of your identity. And that can lead to additional challenges that you’ll need to address quickly, so you can avoid serious issues.
Challenges Non-Working Spouses and Partners Face When Living Abroad:
Even the most well-adjusted people can find it challenging to integrate into a new culture and community, so there’s no shame in admitting that you may resent your partner’s career success, routine, and seemingly easier route toward making new friends. BUT, to avoid problems with your relationship and make the most of your own relocation experience, it will also be important to address those feelings quickly and channel them into something positive that will benefit your growth and happiness.
A loss of identity - or just plain feeling lost – can wreak havoc on a person’s well-being. Left unchecked, non-working spouses can find themselves feeling depressed and listless, making it hard to feel positive about their own daily lives, let alone integrating into a new culture. Here, too, it can be crucial for non-working partners/spouses to get ahead of initial feelings of displacement and sadness by working with a professional therapist, if needed, but it’s even better to try and circumvent that need, by not losing their sense of identity in the first place.
The loss of everything familiar – the sights, sounds, and support groups of home – can make once confident individuals wonder if they made the right choice by agreeing to a relocation at all. And if you can’t work, those feelings can be amplified. Again, getting ahead of that feeling of disempowerment makes all the difference when relocating with your working spouse/partner and school-aged children. Write a description for this tab and include information that will interest site visitors. For example if you are using tabs to show different services write about what makes this service unique. If you are using tabs to display restaurant items write about what makes a specific dish particularly worthwhile or delicious.
Making relocation work for you when you aren’t working
Feelings of resentment, depression, disempowerment, and being lost can be minimized or avoided altogether when we find ways to satisfy our curiosity, stay engaged, keep learning, or using our skills to contribute to the betterment of other people or things we’re passionate about. Living in a new country can often mean learning how to navigate new systems and norms to make that happen, but it is possible and can often result in unexpected opportunities you never imagined prior to the move. That growth can lead to further fulfillment and growth of your own.
Here are some ways to maintain your identity and find fulfillment if moving with your partner/spouse meant not working, initially, in your new home:
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Research Work Opportunities Upon ArrivalList Item 1
Before we assume that you can’t work in your new country, it makes sense to address this option right out of the gate. If you had a career before relocating and your employer couldn’t offer you remote or on-site work in your new host country, why not consider employment with other global companies? Encourage your partner/spouse to ask whether their employer could advise them on work visas that may be available to you. Ask if their employer can use your skills in some capacity. Apply to organizations that are based in your home country or local businesses that might sponsor you. If none of these options are possible, see below for additional ways to use your skills and knowledge instead.
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Stay Connected with Your PassionsList Item 2
Just because you’re in a new country doesn’t mean you have to leave your passions, skills, and ability to contribute to the world behind. Find local art schools, archery ranges, gyms, book clubs, or dance studios. Take a class – or find local centers that might be interested in you teaching one. Using this time to find and cultivate joy can not only make your life more fulfilling, it can also lead to new realizations and avenues in your life – that can further lead to personal growth now and professional growth later. (And P.S.: Trying a new hobby or something you’d never even considered before can open up whole new worlds of interest for you, too.)
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VolunteerList Item 3
If working isn’t an option, but you feel a need to contribute to a cause of serve others in need, consider volunteering at a local school, hospital, or community group. If you worked in marketing, try donating your services to a nonprofit in your community. Are you passionate about making a difference in the lives of women or children? Donate your time at a local shelter or recreation center. Not only does volunteering help you contribute to your new community, it can give you a sense of purpose, establish a routine, and introduce you to local members of your community. This can lead to friendships that will further enhance your life and the lives of your family members.
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Take Advantage of Personal and Professional Development OpportunitiesList Item 4
Pausing your career doesn’t have to mean pausing your growth opportunities – and if you didn’t have a career before, now could be the perfect time to start working toward one! There are countless online resources for classes you can take and certificates/degrees you can earn. Have you always wanted to learn computer or medical coding? There are online classes for both. Want to get a certificate in digital design? Countless universities have online programs to choose from. Are there certifications you’d benefit from working towards now – that would make you more marketable in your previous career later? Consider getting started. Doing so will engage your curiosity, give you positive things to focus on while you grow, and keep you strongly rooted in the identity you’ve developed over the years. NetExpat Community Webinars are also a great way to expand your knowledge and learn about everything from networking to job searching/interviewing across cultures.
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Build a Local Network
Loneliness can magnify the other challenges non-working individuals face, when living in a new host country. Develop a new support system by connecting with other non-working expats in the NetExpat Community. Join online social groups and make it a point to talk to your neighbors or other parents at your child’s school. Building relationships with other expats can give you a sense of solidarity as you bond with people who are going through similar experiences. Developing friendships with locals who are native to the area can enrich your intercultural experience, create a sense of belonging, and help ease your integration into your new community.
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Set Personal Goals and Be Flexible as You Settle In
Setting goals (fitness-, creativity-, or personal growth-related) is a great way to give yourself something to focus on. Make sure the goals are realistic so you can set yourself up for success – and make sure you celebrate your wins, so you can feel a sense of accomplishment. Whether it’s learning one new word in your new language a day – and using it in a sentence out in your community, reaching a new landmark on your daily run, or getting through your first class in a certification your earning online, working toward – and achieving – new goals diminishes resentment because you’re working toward your own personal growth; fights against depression, as you see that growth unfold; and reduces feelings of being lost, as you learn new things about yourself on your personal development journey.
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Stay Connected to Home
Successfully integrating into your new surroundings is crucial to you feeling grounded in your new environment, but so is staying in touch with friends and family back home. Scheduling regular communication with friends and family reminds you that home is “still there,” and so are the people who love you.
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Practice Self-Care
Moving abroad can be stressful under the best of circumstances, so it’s essential to prioritize your mental and physical well-being before, during, and after your relocation. This “can” mean pampering yourself and taking bubble baths, but it also means a deeper commitment to yourself, too: Be sure to make time for activities that relax and recharge you, whether it’s a walk outside in nature, reading a good book, meditating, exercising or doing something that reminds you to be mindful – and kind to yourself. By taking care of yourself, you’ll be better able to cope with the many changes and demands an intercultural move can bring.
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Make Your Own Opportunities
Sometimes, our immediate surroundings don’t offer the opportunities we’re interested in, so we have to make our own. Were you a teacher in your previous country who can’t teach in your new one? Consider tutoring online. Were you hoping to find a book club in your host country, but there aren’t any near you? Start your own. Have you always wanted to write a book? Start it now. Do you have skills that you can use to start an online business? Be sure to consult a local tax expert (and a home-country based one) to be sure you’re compliant with the regulations in both – and then start an Etsy shop, create a website and start promoting your graphic design services, or start consulting!
Not Working Doesn’t Have to Mean Losing Your Identity
Left unaddressed, losing your identity can result in serious issues like depression and/or relationship strain. If you’ve already reached this point, consider seeing a therapist as soon as possible. There are many who specialize in intercultural challenges that can help you, your relationship, and your family. If you’re reading this before your relocation or early on in your move, remember that the best way to maintain your sense of identity is to proactively preserve it by acting on one or more of the suggestions above. It’s true that relocating with a working spouse or partner can be challenging if the cost of that move is giving up some of the things you were dedicated to before. But it’s also true that relocating as a non-working partner or spouse can be an opportunity to develop new skills and expand our identity in ways we never expected.
